Posted 2 weeks ago

How To Listen To The Podcast

Every so often I get questions on this, as many people don’t listen to podcasts at all, so I thought I’d write a little post to help. There are three ways to listen to this show - subscribing, downloading MP3s individually, or streaming.

  • Subscribe if you can install apps on your computer/phone, and want to be able to get the latest episodes automatically. They will downloads as MP3s so you can play them anywhere once they arrive.
  • Download individually if you don’t want to install a podcast app, but just want to grab the audio files to play on any device, especially if you just want the odd episode here and there.
  • Stream if you’re on a computer where you’re not at liberty to download/install programs or MP3s, or have unlimited data access of any kind.


Important note : The show is not in the “Podcasts” section of the iTunes store, so don’t look for it in there.

  • Subscription
    • If you’re on a computer and have iTunes installed, each webpage has a link you just have to click which will launch iTunes and make it subscribe. At the Podcast section of, it’s the big black icon on the right. If you’re at, it’s the first white icon in the right hand panel, showing the iTunes logo.
    • If you have any other podcast program, there will be an option somewhere to “Add Feed,” “Subscribe Manually,” or similar. These programs will ask for the URL (or sometimes “RSS address”) for the show. You need to give this text;
      • I’m an Android mobile user, and BeyondPod is my favoured app; in there, you’d select “Add Feed,” then click the icon in the top right, then “Enter Feed Address,” then paste the address in.
      • For iPhone users, I hear Downcast is good.
      • Pocket Casts for Android and iPhone is recommended by many people, though it’s not free - only a couple of quid though.
  • One-off downloads
    • On the main webpage (, each episode has a little icon that says “Pod” before each title. That icon is a link to the MP3 file with the episode audio in it, so just do the usual “Save link as…” browser stuff you normally would, and it’ll download.
    • If you’re on, it’s similar - the link is in text, directly below the episode title. 
  • Streaming
    • The easiest way to listen to the podcast streaming is on TuneIn radio. If you’re on a computer with a web browser, just head to - you’ll be able to listen to episodes with no extra software needed.
    • If you have the TuneIn mobile app, or a Sonos device, or similar, you can search for “Air Adam Podcast” and it’ll show up - go from there.
    • If you’re on Facebook, there’s a “Podcast Player" tab on the Air Adam page which allows you to stream episodes.

If you’re new to the world of podcasts, I hope you find this helpful!



Check out this episode!

Posted 2 weeks ago

torn water. on Flickr.

A little something from a recent trip to Berlin - timing is everything! #photography

Posted 3 weeks ago

Episode 58 : The Brooklyn Way.


"I do shows, I go home, I spell my name in cash like I’m Busy Bee…"

- Konny Kon

March is here again, and so we celebrate the life of the great Biggie Smalls. Spread love, it’s the Brooklyn way!

Here are the links for things mentioned in the show;

EPMD tickets? If you’re in Manchester (or anywhere within reach), you really should…

The podcasts I mentioned were Peer Pressure Radio (the URL for subscription is and In All Airness - both great listens!


The Notorious B.I.G : One More Chance (Hip-Hop Remix)

Definitely preferred this to the first remix! Rashad Smith and Puffy throw out the smoother vibe and go with a stripped down instrumental based on the same break as Marley Marl and Craig G’s “Droppin’ Science,” somehow more fitting for Biggie’s raw take on his way with women.

Akinyele : In The World (Large Pro Remix Instrumental)

Just dug this up on a white label I had hanging around - sound quality isn’t the best but hopefully you can appreciate it all the same. While I actually preferred the DJ Enuff-produced original (also on episode 30), this is just trying to do something completely different sonically, harder and darker.

[Easy Mo Bee] Craig Mack : Flava In Ya Ear (Instrumental)

One of the best beats ever, not in needless complexity but just in that…ugh! Easy Mo Bee kills it with that one-note guitar sample pitched up and down, and possibly the greatest drum sounds you’ll hear anywhere, programmed just right. Every aspiring Hip-Hop producer should study this beat.

Craig Mack ft. The Notorious B.I.G, Rampage, LL Cool J, and Busta Rhymes : Flava In Ya Ear (Remix)

One of my favourite remixes of all time, with a classic Biggie verse leading things off. The beat is only slightly tweaked (hell, there was nothing wrong with it), this version is all about letting the MCs get busy. Craig Mack (second verse) was a decent rhymer in my opinion, but at best he’s the fourth best on here - though looking at the lineup, there’s no shame in that! This track also has one of my favourite Hip-Hop videos, a minimalistic masterstroke from Hype Williams before he went fisheye crazy, and if it’s to be believed, then the cuts on here are courtesy of Funkmaster Flex, putting the icing on the cake!

EPMD : Da Joint

With EPMD coming to the city in April, I had to include one of their tracks this month. This was the first single from their fifth album, “Back In Business,” which as you might expect from the title was the first one after their reunion. At the time, everyone was just ecstatic to hear Erick and Parrish together again, and this Erick Sermon and Rockwilder-produced track was a great one to come back with. For those that don’t know the old skool (note : that’s before Run DMC :) ), the hook is a direct reference to the Funky Four Plus One's 1980 single “That’s The Joint" - know your history, kids ;)

Call O’ Da Wild : Ruffturrain

Find of the decade! Let me qualify that :) I first heard this on Radio 1 in 1996, but as far as I know they never mentioned the track title or the artist, so I just had it down as “Riders Of The Storm.” I spent a long, long time trying to find out what it was, using every method I could think of to search it out, but to no avail. This year I decided to dig the tape out, record a bit, and mail it out to DJs I knew to see if anyone recognised it. No-one knew the record at all, but Agent J of Groovement correctly identified the main sample, and then Obelix of Too Many Cooks worked out the artist and title! Great work by those guys, Barron Ricks and Angelo Campanioni on the mic and Cypress Hill’s DJ Muggs with the dark and sinister beat. Turns out that this track was only released as a promo 12”, which I splashed out on as soon as I found a copy on Discogs. Unfortunately, the album went unreleased by Sony after they handed it in and the duo broke up shortly after. Crying shame, because if they had anything else like this, it would have been a really quality LP. 

The Notorious B.I.G ft. Beanie Sigel, Black Rob, Ice Cube : If I Should Die Before I Wake

Tracks like this feel a bit unsettling to listen to in hindsight, given what happened to Biggie. It’s also one of the tracks that was constructed around his unreleased lyrics posthumously, but one of the best I think. The “Born Again" LP this comes from is unfortunately (and understandably) pretty patchy but has a few good bits, this one included. Charlemagne, Coptic, and D-Dot cook up a beat that could easily have been on "Life After Death,” and the MC roster is one that definitely makes sense - if anything, Ice Cube is the wildcard but easily the best.

Dubbul O & Pro P : Slang To Ya Brain

Manchester material from one of my favourite MCs on the scene right now, alongside the man Pro P on the beats; both these artists are being really productive and coming out with polished material. This is my early favourite from the newly released “Omega" LP, and has the characteristic darkness that these guys can summon up at will. You can name your price on the album, so check it out and see what you think!

Large Pro : After School (Instrumental)

Another Large Pro beat - only occurred to me after I’d recorded it all! Head-nodding 12”-only release, this is the B-side to “The Beginning,” which is an ill track indeed.

Nas : 2nd Childhood

A nice beat from DJ Premier, but an unusual one structure-wise; even if you don’t study these things, you might get the feeling! Easily one of the standouts from Nas’ “Stillmatic" LP, and one of those tracks that for me show clearly why he’s one of the greats. The stories of people stuck in their lives and not moving on ring very true, and the music behind him has a kind of bittersweet sound to it. I will always, always take Nas over Jay-Z when it comes to the rhymes…

Children Of Zeus : Elevate

More Manchester for you! Mainstay of the scene Konny Kon combines with Tyler Daly for this track which is actually just a demo - but that hasn’t stopped me having it on repeat since I got it from their Soundcloud! They self-produced this track and the music is just beautiful, and will only shine more with a final mix. On the lyrics, Konny is smashing over buildings on his verse, and I can’t get enough of Tyler’s hook. When this album is mixed and released, it’s definitely going to be one to check for!

Gaelle : Moonsglow

Love with bass! I last visited the “Transient" LP on episode 9, so I think it’s fine to head back for more :) This album closer is one of the top tunes on there, downtempo and gliding. Just to mention one small point of detail, this is Exhibit A on when to use a shaker rather than a hi-hat in the rhythm track - listen and imagine it had been done the other way.

Source Direct : Love & Hate

Bit of a change-up here with some D&B which manages to be sparse but kind of luxurious at the same time. One of the select few five-star tracks on my iPod, it’s one of the best tracks on Source Direct’s ”Exorcise The Demons" album which has darkness aplenty. Those of you who listen to D&B regularly (I honestly don’t) might have a different opinion, let me know!

EPMD : Scratch, Bring It Back (Part 2 - Mic Doc)

This might be far from the biggest track on the “Business Never Personal" album - which I have a horrible feeling may have been deleted - but I’ve always liked it since it flipped my wig back in the pirate radio days! All about that second section with the beat change, and the amazing DJ Scratch cuts. EPMD got through a lot of DJs in their time (K La Boss, Diamond J to name but two) but when they got Scratch they stayed with him. Good move. Besides being a ridiculously ill DJ, he also carved out a very respectable career as a producer, which basically means everyone in the group is top shelf on the beats :)

Freak L : When The Pen Hits The Paper

Now this is seriously obscure! I heard Dan Greenpeace play this once on the radio, but I’d never heard of the artist before and hadn’t seen any records around either. When I eventually came across it in Fat City years later…snatched it up! This is the B-side (yes, it wins again) from a 1988/89 12” which was produced by Vandy C but was mixed by the late great Paul C. SP-1200 goodness all around, with absolutely stacks of samples thrown into the mix - none of which I’m telling if you don’t know them, since I doubt there was any clearance! Freak L only put out a couple of singles, but that’s two more than most, and he shows his mettle on here.

Diamond : Best Kept Secret (Remix)

If you’re a long-time listener, you might have caught a chunk of this on episode 12 when I did a whistle-stop tour around the “Stunts, Blunts, and Hip-Hop" album, but it fit well here and I thought the whole track deserved an airing! Diamond is a production legend in his own right but for this remix he brings in Mark The 45 King, and this is just vicious - the relentless bassline makes it.

Chic : (Funny) Bone

A nice little funk/disco workout which closes the 1978 ”C’est Chic" album, though this was also on the B-side of the "I Want Your Love" single. Nile Rodgers and Bernard Edwards hold it down on the guitar and bass, and Tony Thompson on the drums gets that little extra accent with the claps on top of the snares. Not a big hit as a track by itself as far as I know, but a great tune!

The Notorious B.I.G. : “Microphone Murderer” (1991 demo)

Note: The interview segment you hear in front of this comes from the Juan Epstein podcast, it’s well worth listening to the whole episode!
This track was before everything you ever heard, a 19-year-old Biggie slaying the mic on a demo with the then local DJ 50 Grand on the turntables. When Big Daddy Kane’s DJ Mister Cee heard it, he loved it and played it for Matty C of the Source who then got B.I.G into the “Unsigned Hype" section, which was then read by Puffy (or Diddy, as you may know him now)…and the rest is history!

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it’s a great way to explore, but otherwise there’s always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

Posted 4 weeks ago


As Jackson couldn’t fluently play any instruments, he would sing and beatbox out how he wanted his songs to sound by himself on tape, layering the vocals, harmonies and rhythm before having instrumentalists come in to complete the songs.

One of his engineers Robmix on how Jackson worked: “One morning MJ came in with a new song he had written overnight. We called in a guitar player, and Michael sang every note of every chord to him. “here’s the first chord first note, second note, third note. Here’s the second chord first note, second note, third note”, etc., etc. We then witnessed him giving the most heartfelt and profound vocal performance, live in the control room through an SM57. He would sing us an entire string arrangement, every part. Steve Porcaro once told me he witnessed MJ doing that with the string section in the room. Had it all in his head, harmony and everything. Not just little eight bar loop ideas. he would actually sing the entire arrangement into a micro-cassette recorder complete with stops and fills.”

Reasons why I laugh when people say he wasn’t a real musician.

This is talent.

(Source: harrattanparhar)

Posted 1 month ago


Air Max Day, March 26, 2014

March 26, 1987 marked the release of the Air Max 1 and with it, a revolution began. In the form of a literal window to the sole, the invisible became visible and Nike Air cushioning forever changed how Nike designed running sneakers. Twenty-seven years have passed, visibility has increased, the legend has grown, and the time to celebrate has arrived. 3.26, the day that started it all, marks the celebration of an experiment turned icon. To kickstart the festivities, a limited edition Air Max 1 will be released to usher in a new tradition. 

For almost 30 years, Nike and “air” have been synonymous and inseparable. Although 3.26.87 marked the beginning of the epic known as Air Max, the journey began ten years earlier with an aerospace engineer by the name of Frank Rudy and his ingenious idea. During a visit to Nike’s World Headquarters, Rudy gave Phil Knight a pair of running shoes fitted with a prototype Air-Sole unit — and the rest was history.

Celebrating 27 years of Air superiority, Nike Sportswear applies a volt color treatment to the original Air Max, calling out the shoe’s legendary innovation and mimicking the treatment on Nike’s newest introductions. Along with a 3.26-emblazoned tongue tab, the Air Max 1 Air Max Day combines the original white/red upper with a volt midsole, accentuating the visible Nike Air.

Celebrate the revolutionary spirit and sense of self-expression on Air Max Day, March 26, 2014. Please visit to get the full experience. [Read More…]

Posted 1 month ago

Episode 57 : Immortals’ Techniques.

it's for you.

"I’m a lion in the day, I’m a tiger at night…"

- Illa J

It’s February again, so once again we remember J Dilla, Big L, and Big Pun, as well as Donald Byrd. Sadly, we add a local name to the roll this month - the man known as Salford John. Each of these men gets their moment in the selection; I hope you find it worthy.


Fat Joe ft. Big L : The Enemy

Claaassic. In a gathering of hardcore heads, this one will always get the heads nodding and someone rhyming along! I was working out which Big L track to play this month and a video I was shown recently made the choice for me, though this track really focuses on racial profiling. L snatches the starring role on this brilliant A-side, but both MCs get busy on the eerie DJ Premier beat. Nighttime track for sure, you can find this on 12”, Big L’s “The Big Picture,” or DITC’s debut album. No excuse to miss it really!

K-Def : Preying Mantis

Bit of a horror-film sounding beat from K-Def’s “Beats From the 90s Vol.2” vinyl, useful one to have for the DJs and beat connoisseurs :)

Fat Joe ft. Raekwon, Armageddon, and Big Pun : Firewater

95% alcohol, 5% cancer?" Serious! I first heard this on Radio 1, I think it might have been Westwood’s show by then (when it was good), but can’t really remember. That little ringing sound in the Showbiz beat caught my ear, and it’s just straight head-nod 90s flavour. All the verses are dope, but of course it’s Big Pun’s aggro closing verse that gets this on the show this month. This was one of his first appearances, and this classic B-side (to "Envy”) had him blazing with the hunger of a new MC aiming for the top. 

Jigmastas : Resurge

They’re back! DJ Spinna (easily one of my favourite producers) and Kriminul return from a long hiatus with this track that was kindly made available for free on Spinna’s Soundcloud. It’s the first peek at the forthcoming “Resurge” EP, so be sure to support that when it comes out.

All City : Afta Hourz

The “Metropolis Gold" album is a bit of a mixed bag to say the least, but besides the two killers "The Actual" and "Priceless,” I found this low-key boom-bap piece I thought would be worth sharing. V.Black on the beat with an assist from DJ Premier on the mix, it’s just that 90s filtered bassline flavour with a sprinkling of piano. If you see the album cheap, grab it, but as I say it’s patchy so don’t overpay!

De La Soul ft. Mos Def & Truth Enola : Stakes Is High (Jay Dee Remix)

This month, for twenty-four hours only, De La Soul gave away their entire catalogue for free download (I posted about it on my Facebook page!) and when I was flicking through the files, there was a collection of remixes that included this version I didn’t know. As it turns out, it’s a Dilla production so that’s yet another reason to include it this episode! The original “Stakes Is High” was a great record of course, but this remix definitely stands eye-to-eye with it. You should recognise how the bass is based around the main melody of the original, and I think the drums here are actually better. This is how you rework one of your own classics.

Grussle : S.U.F.L.A.N

I thought I’d already played a track from The Beat Tape Project’s “The Ghostface Beat Tape" album, but I was wrong! Anyway, this is a nice track I found on there which I could definitely hear the man in question rhyming on. Grussle is a producer from the DMV (DC/Maryland/Virginia) area who has a well-stocked Soundcloud page, so if you like this then give it a visit and check him out!

Cake Boys (Illa J & Frank Nitt) : Do It For Dilla Dawg

Win! Heard a rough instrumental on one of the many compilations of Dilla beats that you see circulating, and always loved it - great to see it used at last. Family affair on this one, with his brother Illa J and longtime friend and colleague Frank Nitt (of Frank N Dank) grabbing the mic. Dilla’s beat on this is just super-staccato on the verses, with a super-tight snare and those stabs coming out with the little delay/reverb going on. Fire. Got this on the “Rebirth Of Detroit" CD this month at Manchester’s "J Dilla Changed My Life" gig - there are some other quality tracks on there, so expect me to come back to it in the future!

I.G. Off & Hazadous : The Nicest

I digitised this months ago, ended up not using it, then realised it gave me the perfect bridge between two tracks. It’s also an appropriate selection for this month because unfortunately I.G. Off is no longer with us. I.G. Off & Hazadous were actually unsigned according to Discogs, but put out a few 12” singles in the late 90s/early 00s on Spinna’s Beyond Real Recordings label. This particular track was on two of those 12”s, as well as the “The Beyond Real Experience” compilation, which also includes a couple of their other cuts.

Phife : #dearDilla

Very new track from another artist who can claim to go way back with Dilla, as part of A Tribe Called Quest of course. Phife said “I’ve been wanting to record a dedication to J Dilla for the longest, it just seemed to finally be the right time to do it,” and the patience shows in the quality of the result. Never one to bite his tongue, Phife speaks on what he doesn’t like in the scene today, what he remembers from an earlier time, and most importantly - his feelings on the passing of a friend.  Someone I’ve not come across before, DJ Rasta Root, is on the production and he does a very nice job - taking the same drums as on Slum Village’s “Hold Tight" and sampling plenty of Slum/Dilla classics for the hooks. On top of all that, he’s got a KC & The Sunshine band loop running through it alongside guests on the keys (V.Rich) and bass (DETOXXX). Fittingly quality material.

Hexs and Miranda : I Don’t Know

Friend of the show Hexsagon returns with another piece of quality production! Hexs and his fellow Arizonan, the MC Mr.Miranda have kindly given us the totally free “The H&M EP,” which you can get over at their Bandcamp page. It’s uptempo for the most part but this is the more reflective closing track, with Hexsagon’s clean and refined production leaving the perfect space for Mr.Miranda to shine! On top of all that, it’s got a nicely-executed video. Phoenix rising!

Donald Byrd : Onward ‘Til Morning

The jazz trumpeter (and Hip-Hop guest star) Donald Byrd passed away in February last year and after sitting in the house listening to some of his stuff, I thought it’d be good to include one of his songs this month. From the 1976 “Caricatures" album, it’s hot even before Byrd grabs the trumpet, at which point it becomes amazing. Enjoy the mastery.

The Step Brothers ft. Roc Marciano : See The Rich Man Play

Evidence and The Alchemist have been working together at least since Alchemist was producing stuff like “Worst Comes To Worst" for Dilated Peoples, and at last we get a full-length collaboration project - the "Lord Steppington" album. It’s got that backstreet, sample-heavy grittiness to it, and is definitely worth picking up. Also, it has a track called "Swimteam Rastas," so is worth buying for that reason alone :) Anyway, this track is one of my favourites, and Roc Marciano is the perfect guest to close it out - the beat could have some straight from one of his albums. The lyrics and the subdued are definitely conjour in my mind images of a late night casino and the dashed dreams of the gamblers…dope.

Massive Attack : What Your Soul Sings

I never really got into the “100th Window" album, which was a bit of a departure with only 3D of the original members taking part. Despite that, this track was easily a standout for me - beautiful pulsing and gliding production, and the always-interesting Sinead O’Connor on the vocals. Also, although it’s subtle, check how much the guitar adds to the track. In fact, that comment just prompted me to do a little web research and it turns out that guitar riff is the only surviving piece of the original six months of recording sessions!

Genaside II : Under The Bridge

One of those little-known favourites from the collection. I didn’t even know this was a cover version until a long time after the fact, as I’m not a Red Hot Chili Peppers listener! Great British production from the excellent “New Life 4 The Hunted" LP, working the speed trick of starting around 72bpm and then doubling up in the drums outside the verses. In my opinion, this album top-to-bottom sounds like nothing else. UK reggae singer Rose Windross was a great choice to sing this too, total switcharound from Anthony Kiedis on the original.

Skitz ft. Task Force & Juni : Rainy Day Science (Remix)

The “Sticksman" album had a very different flavour to the debut Skitz producer project "Countryman,” which is only to be expected with the nine-year gap. I preferred the first one, but there were definitely good tracks on the second and this is one of the interesting remixes; Brothers Of The Stone's BVA puts in the work here with all kinds of reversing and effects on the vocal samples. On the mic you have some real veterans of the scene, Highbury's Task Force, and then Juni who I don't know - but the whole package works.

Three 6 Mafia : The End

Memphis style, but no Elvis! I bought this one especially for this episode after scouring my collection for the right instrumental for this spot; 70ish BPM is very slow for Hip-Hop, or at least the type I listen to. I’m not a Three 6 listener really but this tense 1996 track is top, DJ Paul and Juicy J on production getting busy with the guitar and drum machine. You can get this on “Chapter 1 : The End,” their second album, but funnily enough…it’s not the final track! That said, I’ve done exactly the same thing…

Bricky Mortar : Salford John

At the very end of last month, a man who was loved by many in the two cities of Manchester and Salford passed away. He was younger than me even, and lost his life because of the actions of some of the less evolved among us. I never knew him but certainly knew of him, and some mutual friends are really going through it right now because of his loss. Mancunian stalwart Bricks had done a track to big him up a few months ago, and there’s no better time to let you hear it; he takes the idea of the hook from A$AP Ferg’s “Shabba" and flips it into our local version on this drum machine workout. Gold indeed, RIP!

STOP PRESS : Dub Phizix, another close friend of John has just today released his own remix of the track here; it’s an unrestricted download but he asks that you please make a donation to John’s family in exchange - that’s more than reasonable I think.

Please remember to support the artists you like! The purpose of putting the podcast out and providing the full tracklist is to try and give some light, so do use the songs on each episode as a starting point to search out more material. If you have Spotify in your country it’s a great way to explore, but otherwise there’s always Youtube and the like. Seeing your favourite artists live is the best way to put money in their pockets, and buy the vinyl/CDs/downloads of the stuff you like the most!

Check out this episode!

Posted 2 months ago


25 YEARS AGO TODAY |2/22/89| The first rap Grammy is awarded. The above rappers boycotted the show in protest of the award presentation not being televised.

Posted 2 months ago

“Looking Ass N*gga” -An Open Letter to the Rap Industry



An Open Letter to the Rap Industry

Over the past few years’ three things have become fashionable within popular culture:

1) An entertaining portrayal of African Americans in positions of servitude with films such as: The Help, Django, The Butler and 12 Years a Slave.

2) Protests and…

Posted 2 months ago

When [an abusive man] tells me that he became abusive because he lost control of himself, I ask him why he didn’t do something even worse. For example, I might say, “You called her a fucking whore, you grabbed the phone out of her hand and whipped it across the room, and then you gave her a shove and she fell down. There she was at your feet where it would have been easy to kick her in the head. Now, you have just finished telling me that you were ‘totally out of control’ at that time, but you didn’t kick her. What stopped you?” And the client can always give me a reason. Here are some common explanations:

"I wouldn’t want to cause her a serious injury."
“I realized one of the children was watching.”
“I was afraid someone would call the police.”
“I could kill her if I did that.”
“The fight was getting loud, and I was afraid the neighbors would hear.”

And the most frequent response of all:

"Jesus, I wouldn’t do that. I would never do something like that to her.”

The response that I almost never heard — I remember hearing it twice in the fifteen years — was: “I don’t know.”

These ready answers strip the cover off of my clients’ loss of control excuse. While a man is on an abusive rampage, verbally or physically, his mind maintains awareness of a number of questions: “Am I doing something that other people could find out about, so it could make me look bad? Am I doing anything that could get me in legal trouble? Could I get hurt myself? Am I doing anything that I myself consider too cruel, gross, or violent?”

A critical insight seeped into me from working with my first few dozen clients: An abuser almost never does anything that he himself considers morally unacceptable. He may hide what he does because he thinks other people would disagree with it, but he feels justified inside. I can’t remember a client ever having said to me: “There’s no way I can defend what I did. It was just totally wrong.” He invariably has a reason that he considers good enough. In short, an abuser’s core problem is that he has a distorted sense of right and wrong.

I sometimes ask my clients the following question: “How many of you have ever felt angry enough at youer mother to get the urge to call her a bitch?” Typically half or more of the group members raise their hands. Then I ask, “How many of you have ever acted on that urge?” All the hands fly down, and the men cast appalled gazes on me, as if I had just asked whether they sell drugs outside elementary schools. So then I ask, “Well, why haven’t you?” The same answer shoots out from the men each time I do this exercise: “But you can’t treat your mother like that, no matter how angry you are! You just don’t do that!”

The unspoken remainder of this statement, which we can fill in for my clients, is: “But you can treat your wife or girlfriend like that, as long as you have a good enough reason. That’s different.” In other words, the abuser’s problem lies above all in his belief that controlling or abusing his female partner is justifiable….

Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (via seebster)

I don’t think I could handle reading this book.

(via manif3stlove)

Posted 2 months ago


From Here To There: A growing map of Manhattan made only of directions from strangers on scraps.